SUNDAY NEWS
March 22, 2009
We have enjoyed all the time we have been able to spend with family these past few weeks. Lori, Christian and Vayden spent a week in Indiana. Karl spent a weekend with Alyssa in California, and Brittney is currently spending her spring break week with us in Arizona. Lori made Wookie Cookies today and Christian wants the recipe to be included in this edition. Alyssa made the first batch of Wookie Cookies and introduced them to us.
Very Vayden
Vayden is now doing well with eating fruits and vegetables. She still loves her Noggin shows, but has a new show she really likes. Vayden loves to watch American Idol. She is mesmerized by it. She loses interest when people are talking, but when someone is singing, she is mesmerized.
The week Vayden spend in Indiana, Vayden departed from her normal eating schedule which now involves part breast milk, part formula , part fruits and now some vegetables. Because of the traveling and being in Lori’s presence all day every day, Vayden subsisted on almost entirely breast milk in Indiana. This may have contributed to Vayden doing very little pooping while in Indiana.
On Lori’s first day back in Arizona, she went back to work. Christian was off school for his spring break. Karl decided that since he had Christian’s help and only had a five minute appearance in Superior Court for the whole day he would just take Vayden to court with Christian to avoid driving all the way to Vayden’s babysitter’s house. Also, Superior court is very close to Bookman’s (see Christian’s section for the significance of this)
Everything was going according to plan. Vayden was dressed in a cute new outfit that her great grandmother got for her. Her diaper bag was packed with extra diapers, some wipes and a bottle of formula just in case. On the ride to court, and just prior to reaching the courthouse Vayden unleashed one week’s worth of runny mustard colored digested breast milk. She completely overwhelmed her diaper filling her car seat with approximately ¾ cups worth of the mustard sewage. This yellowish liquidly concoction leaked down through the holes in the car seat where the safety straps attach to the base of the car seat. By the time we stopped in the courthouse parking lot she had managed to get it on her feet and kick it onto the upholstery of the car. Karl stood there shock and horror when he opened the back door and witnessed the feces fest that was now the back seat. Even more horrifying was the realization that he had a total of six wipes in the diaper bag and had not packed a change of clothes.
Vayden’s car seat was unlatched and she was placed in the hatch back portion of Karl’s Prius. Karl stood there trying to decide what do with his hands on his forehead for at least 5 minutes. Vayden whose mess was now beginning to cure in the warm morning sun began to cry. Karl decided to make the best of the six wipes he had before the flies descended on the scene.
Here is the biggest understatement of the week . . . six wipes were inadequate! Six wipes were not enough to get Vayden completely clean let alone her clothes or the car seat. Her plastic changing pad and the back seat were left smeared with excrement. Karl had no choice but to put a new diaper on her and put her back in her car seat to try to conceal the horrible mess on her mostly white and light pink outfit. As Karl and Christian walked across the parking lot to the court entrance, poop dripped down from the car seat onto Karl’s shoes. Christian’s concern went as follows: “Are we still going to be able to go to Bookman’s?”
As Karl, Christian and Vayden were going through security. The security guard insisted that Vayden must be taken out of her car seat and the car seat run though the x-ray. This forced Karl to hold a soiled Vayden getting poop on his shirt and tie bring the list of places where fecal matter could be found to a new all time high score. Just to recap, Karl now had poop on: the car, the car seat, Vayden, Vayden’s outfit, his hands, his shoes, his shirt, his tie, and his phone. (a result of a telephone call from Karl’s client calling to see why he was late. ) Karl stared the security guard in the eye with the most hateful look could muster, and mumbled something about how we are all victims of terrorism. I think the security guard was actually sorry he had insisted on following “the rules.”
Karl met his client outside the courtroom and opted not to shake his hand or the hand of his wife for obvious reasons. After a brief explanation of why he was late, Karl’s client’s wife offered to hold Vayden who was now crying again. Karl explained that she was covered with a foul substance. Remarkably, this did not deter the kindly woman. While Karl was standing there thanking the woman for her kindness, Vayden proceeded to make sure that no good deed would go unpunished by unleashing round 2 of her nuclear bowel movements. Whoever designs these diapers ought to be fired! The diaper failed again and now the nice lady who had volunteered to hold Vayden had baby mustard all down the side of her leg. In the rush and confusion Karl realized the diaper bag was still in the car. Christian had to be sent to get it since Karl could not leave Vayden. Karl again was faced with the Kobayashi Maru. Karl had to take Vayden into the Men’s bathroom and try to clean her up with those infernal hand sensored dispensing paper towels. During this entire incident Christian continued to lobby for his trip to Bookman’s. Our poor little Vayden.
Speaking of poor little Vayden, she is sick and running a 103 degree temperature today. It is so hard to watch someone so little and usually so happy suffer.
Completely Christian
Christian would like everyone to know that he has now earned his Bear in Cub Scouts. He missed the pinewood derby this year because he was in Indiana which took a lot of pressure off Karl.
This week past week was Christian’s spring break. Karl took Christian with him to court with him one day this week. The case was a traffic case that the State did not have the evidence they needed in order to convict Karl’s client. Karl walked into the courtroom and had Christian take a seat in the audience section and then proceeded to speak to the police officer who was present. After a brief exchange with the police officer, Karl then sat down with Christian. When the judge came out and took the bench, she called Karl’s case and informed us she had been informed that the State had motioned to dismiss the case. The Judge then looked at Karl and asked, ”Mr. Mueller, do you have any objection? Karl simply responded, “No Judge.” With that the case was over and Karl motioned to Christian to join him and they walked out of the courtroom. Once outside the courtroom the exchange between Christian and Karl went like this:
Christian: That’s it?
Karl: Yep.
Christian: So you won?
Karl: Yep.
Christian: That is all you have to do?
Karl: Yep.
Christian: Just say “No Judge.”
Karl: Yep.
Christian: People pay you money to just say two words?
Karl: Yep.
Christian: How much did you get paid?
Karl: $$$
Christian: You get $$$ just to say “No Judge.”
Karl: Yep.
Christian: I want to be a lawyer.
Christian did eventually talk Karl into going to Bookman’s this week. Bookman’s is a used book store that deals in used books, used movies, used video games and some collectable toys such as Star Wars etc. You can bring in your used products and get store credit or cash. For Christian, Bookman’s has more of a gravitational pull than crack cocaine has for a crack addict. Every time we are out driving around Christian wants to know how close we are to Bookman’s. It is his geographical point of reference. For Christian the center of the universe seems to be Bookman’s.
Karl, Brittney and Christian were eating porcupine balls at the dinner table one night this week while Lori was at work. Brittney and Christian were on their way to see a movie at the dollar theater (which is really the two dollar theater these days). Karl did not have any cash to give to the kids so he asked Christian if he could borrow the 7 dollars Christian had in his wallet. The following exchange took place:
Christian: If I let you borrow my 7 dollars, how much do I get back?
Karl: 7 dollars.
Christian: I don’t understand.
Karl: I am just borrowing the money, I’ll give it back.
Christian: Ok, then how much do I get back?
Brittney: 7 dollars!
Karl: Christian, if Blake (his best friend) borrowed your jacket, what jacket would you get back?
Christian: Blake is coming?
Karl: No . . . . I am giving you an example of borrowing. If I borrow 7 dollars then I return seven dollars.
Christian: Ohhh. . . . Ok. . . . I get it now. So how much do I get back?
All Alyssa
Karl drove to California this past weekend to visit Alyssa. They spent one whole day at Disneyland. Alyssa introduced Karl to grapples. Grapples are apples that smell and taste like grapes. They are super sweet. Karl loved them and has been searching in Arizona for them, but can’t seem to find them anywhere. Alyssa helped Karl to realize he is getting old. The trip to California and 16 hours of Disneyland made Karl realize what it means to be 40. First, Karl’s
Toyota Prius can actually drive the whole six hours to Los Angeles from Phoenix without having to stop. A 6 hours car ride is now felt, mostly in the lower back area. Add to that 16 hours of walking around Disneyland with an energetic teenager and you get one old feeling Dad. Karl actually had to talk Alyssa into returning to the hotel room for an hour or so for a recuperation nap.
Really Roxy
Roxy needs a bath.
